dear santa,

all I want for Christmas is mi amore

tis the season

snow is on the ground. presents are wrapped. episodes of my favorite tv shows are on break. that sucks. been working out every day its going great. been feeling great. eating healthy, taking vitamins ect..
I love television commercials with hot men. and nice cars. couldn't beat that. yes, this is what happens when I am bored. =p

and im soo annoyed I don't understand why these guys keep msging me. like basically having a conversation telling me to meet them somewhere when I had no imput.  omg like they wont stop. jeeze just because im nice to you doesn't mean I like you. Im nice to a lot of people. wtf. why are people so desperate.  Honestly the only people I like are the ones I don't talk to at all hahaha... I don't even know anything about them. especially because I already met him. my horoscope was right. now I just have to figure out what to do now =p

hmm... santa?!?!

oh it is love?

can you love someone before you even really know them?

because I remember the day I fell in love with him.  he was wearing this red blackhawks hoodie and that was the day I knew I loved him. funny thing is, it was before I knew really anything about him. looked into his eyes and knew it was much more than some stupid school girl crush.
It is bad how you can ruin something when it was all you wanted.. oh well, live and learn.

I didnt know I was lost.

Well went to statesville haunted prison last night, it was sooo much fun.
Today it was so great.
I spent my last two hours in the cooler stocking beer and what not. even tho it was freezing, i went numb after a while. but anyway, i was so focused. I just zoned out and didn't think about anything or anyone for two hours, it was great. no worries.  Im going down the right path. I need to just forget about all these people who dont give a shit about me. and be with people who actually care and want to go and do stuff and want to be seen with me. and not just take me to their bed room. OMG these turtle beach headphones are the shit!!!! it feels like im at a rave!! boo ya!!


so yeah all you people out there! dont forget every thing will work out! you just gotta push through all the stupid shit and wait for what your here for!! =)

"All my life Ive been waiting for someone like you, ya"
 I could get use to hearing that 

sigh

time for me to move on for good.. and just in the luck of time someone comes around haha ;) oh its going to be a good weekend.

fire

stating to get burned out. so much to do, so little time.

fall is in the air

time for bonfires, hoodies, fall leaves. especially halloween. my birthday is this weekend so its gunna be a blast.

something else

I swear if its not one thing, its another...
had a lump went to doctor to get it checked out. got prescribed z-pack to see if it was just because I was sick. If its not gone by monday, I have to get my blood checked woo.. I have the worst luck with health.

change

I need to leave. to get out of here. just pack up and disappear. I really have no tolerance for these stupid people. I cant hang around them anymore. I dont know what im looking for. I just want to get out of here and start over. Im tired of doing things I dont want to do. Im tired of doing what im told. I didnt choose this they told them I wanted to. It was not my choice.  I hope something new pops up fast bc I dont want to hear them bitch about it.

wow

It amazes me how much bullshit one person can produce. it is like word vomit is spewing out of their mouth. and of course every lie they say is perfectly fine. you know what? its not fine. dont expect to come back anymore. im done.

f this

ok seriously. why cant I sleep when I need to? any other time I can fall asleep fine. but no when I have to work I just lay in bed for over 5 hours doing nothing. trying to sleep. now I have to work 10 hours on no sleep. this is going to suck.

hmm

he is so gorgeous I could stare at him all night...and day

idk

how many times a person can have their heart broken, yet they keep trying... somedays, I really feel like giving up.

annoyed.

I'm just really annoyed.
for one, I'm annoyed with guys who are in relationships trying to get with me. especially when they say they are not in a relationship or they just got out of one, get mad when you wont go home with them.. follow you to your car. then when you look them up, yep they are in a relationship. second,  I have the friends' ex's ill say who dated my friends and now they want me, not gonna happen! so quit trying!!!!! third,  I have the clingy guys, who although I have shown no interest.. continue to message me 250 X a minute.  its a little annoying.. no, its really annoying.  fourth, Then I have the guys who cannot spell a freaking sentence. Do you really think I would go for someone like that?  I mean I'm not trying to be rude, but come on.. don't even waste our time.  fifth, Oh this one is funny, the ones who message you and then say tell me something about yourself. Um excuse me? you are the one who messaged me, so you tell me something.. I did not go out and message you. basically find someone in your # range. and I mean that my age, weight, and rate of intelligence and attractiveness. I'm not rude, just honest. you don't like it? then don't talk to me!! because I sure didn't tell you to..  =p

yeaahh

what do I get myself into? if every time we touch you get this kinda rush. life is good.

what happened?!

I don't know where we went wrong. somewhere along the line we fell off track. at the beginning it was all smiles and who loves who more. wishing we could spend the entire day/night in each others arms watching stupid t.v shows.  I don't see why it has to end like this. how can someone say they would do anything for you one year, rip you to pieces the next? I don't see what happened. .. I just wanted to be the only one, is that too much to ask for? I did not ask for expensive things, I did not ask for anything difficult.

I don't see how people can move on from person to person like its nothing. they are in a new relationship every other week like its nothing. They throw the "love" word around like its meaningless. well it means something to me. maybe it was all just a joke to you, maybe it was all just a stupid game to you. but it wasn't to me.  and i hate that every time I get over you again, you come back to rip my heart to pieces all over again. I deserve better than that.

lolz

its funny when people say: to forget about him Jess, your going to have to do real bad things to that guy over there.. real bad.

cold

it been a very busy last couple days.. now im getting a head cold so work the next couple days is gunna drag..
I wish I could go back in time and fix things.. I hate starting over again and again.

fun

great times this weekend. party, then races one day, then paint balling the next. but ooo im sore

end of my days?

well pills and alcohol equal bad mix now im bleeding internally.fantastic.. oh well hopefully its quick.

serious

f everyone dont need this shiz iy fuuck u dude fuck u peepe

eat. pray. love.

well everything seems to be falling into place.  I am starting this new age church thing today, it should be fun. I am excited for many new possibilities to open up.  So far so good with the new job front. Life is just too short to stay mad and keep negative energy.  It so much easier to spend time with others and genuinely be happy. now its time to figure out what to wear!

no no no

these dreams of someone seriously need to stop.

lessons

I absolutely love getting followed by random guys from job to job.*sarcasm* seriously, how does this happen? time to change my appearance yet again..

early to rise...

its going to be a long week. but it will be well worth it in the end.. $$

new beginnings

well things are looking up =)
tomorrow Im going somewhere special and it is going to start many new beginnings. I cant believe I got so distraught over stuff that does not even matter. Im ready to move on with my life and become who I was meant to be.  I know there are things waiting for me out there I just have to find them.

I could get use to you.

I did want this thing between us. I could get use to him. waking up with him like this made me wonder again if this is exactly where im meant to be.

bye

im ready to die

f men

yeah so guys if you start talking about fucking me, marrying me, masturbation, how hot i am over and over..
within the first 5 minutes of talking to me.
aint no fucking way im goinge  to talk to you. get the fuck outta here!!!

hope

well time to give whatshisname a chance. Im done with all the mfuckin assholes. oh wait i wont be around long. does that matter? wtf idk. might as well be happy.

dying.

the dark secrets. pain and punishment. The darkness is coming. swallowing me whole. my time is running out. Its coming to get me. try to forget, try to move on. all hope is fading. It creeps into the corners of the world. they hide in the darkness. waiting, watching for the time they can bring you down.

hey loser

its your loss dude.

grinds my gears.

well you know what.. I have moved on to bigger and better things before. and well.. Im sick of this same old story repeating itself. if someone doesn't want to me with me fuck 'um. I don't have time to sit and wait around for them. I deserve to be with someone who likes me for me. someone I don't have to beg to get them to talk to me. someone who puts an effort to do things with me. especially that.  not oh, im going to bring you.. but ignore you the whole time. yeah fuck that shit man. nobody wants to deal with that shit.

im sorry

what else can I say?

likely story

exactly what I thought. and that is why I do not become attached. stupid... on to better things.

eeeeek

so excited to go to Florida sooon... packing sucks tho.. idk what to bring!!!

drunk thoughts

i dont think we will ever get along.

taste kickin'

you know that moment when you realize that someone is never going to grow up. yeah its kinda like that. Its like there is no point to this drama. I can do better.. Hell, I have done better and I keep going back to this childish bullshit.. and for what? I really have no clue.  There's really nothing that inspires me, nothing brings me in. Just the thought that maybe they will realize it all. ha ha yeah like that is ever  going to happen. people get to caught up in alcohol and drugs for their own good. and look where it has gotten you.. nowhere. don't you see the people around you? There are people being happy, creating families, creating lasting memories that they will keep with them forever. And what are you doing? getting black out drunk to fill the void in your life. Oh yeah that sounds like soo much fun. no, fuck that. fuck every fucking bullshit lie you tell yourself at night.  And to think i would actually want to spend my life with someone like that? I don't think so..
There is just so much more in life. every day is a new chance to make new beginnings.  I though I would never fall in love again. but I did. true honest to god love at first sight.. I don't want to talk about that..

trouble

you know that feeling you get when you think you are about to do a bunch of stupid stuff.. yeah got that feeling.. oh man this weekend is going to be trouble...  really dont feel like spending the night on a four wheeler again..

sad face

i miss them already. booo hoo

yeah

just got back from the mall with the guys. tomorrow night should be fun. #drunktime

fun sun fun sun fun sun

so the wedding was yesterday. so much fun. Today we are getting the guys we are hosting from overseas that will be interesting. busy busy busy day!!! and going to Florida in a couple weeks woot woot!! <3 br="">

up up annd away

so while hiking is great. one day I will not be afraid of heights and today was not that day. and i hate when people say if you do what your afraid of you wont be afraid anymore. yes well that is not true. because i climed a castle, went backwards over a open hole and rock climbed and yet im still afraid. but for a short period of time i was not afraid afterwards. and im tired of the hippie friend who just smokes pot all day and cant keep its really annoying and i wanted to push him down the hill. but omg  the view was amazing. and tomorrow were going to my favvvvorite place ever. cant wait.

hurry hurry hurry

Im glad I knew it all those years but I gave it the benefit of the doubt. oh well i found better.

so omg. this is going to be the quickest wedding in the history of weddings. shitttt.. i have a little over a week to get everything ready. so much to do. its going to be awesome.
then a week after that we are taking off to Florida. great!!! I cant wait.  I cant wait to get the fuck out of here and leave the past in the dust.  I need to go tomorrow and get a dress.

HAHAHAHA

Beth: "What are you two doing?!?"
Celeste: "What do you mean?"
Jesse: "Yeah, what do you mean?"
Beth: "You guys have been separated for six months. You're getting divorced and you spend every day together as if like it's no big deal."
Celeste: "We are separated and we're friends."
Jesse: "It's the perfect breakup."
Beth: "Sorry..."
(in German accents)
Jesse: "Beth is so angry."
Celeste: "Ya, she is uber-angry."
Jesse: "Ya"


so this is my totally new favorite show.

although i absolutely adore the ikea store. its so funny how they are having a hard time putting a dresser together. that shit is so hard. especially bc nothing is in english. FUCK SWEDEN!! lmao no just a few select people.

stupid rain

so we are going to the beach club today. hopefully this rain will stop ugh......
but it will be fun either way

idk

Hypnopompic hallucinations are often discussed along with hypnogogic hallucinations. Both of these have to do with hallucinations occurring as people enter or exit sleep. When people are just on the edge of sleep they might experience hypnogogic hallucinations. If a person is about to wake, he or she could have a hypnopompic hallucination.
What makes hypnogogic and hypnopompic hallucinations different from dreams is that they tend to lack a story. Moreover the hallucinations may vary. People could experience a physical feeling, a smell, a sound, or quite frequently an image or sight.
The image could be a simple line, dot, pattern, or it could be a full person, animal or other. It is important to add that whatever experienced, the perception of something not there can feel very real. Hypnopompic hallucinations might make people bolt out of bed, and then feel very disoriented, or they sometimes create the sensation that the person is paralyzed and cannot move.
Hypnogogic and hypnopompic hallucinations are characterized by their “realness.” They also have a tendency to disrupt sleep. While they might suggest a person has sleep disorder, the hallucinations do not have much to say about the sanity of the person having them.

one last thing.

first of all. I cant believe how stupid I was to see what was right in front of my face. do you really think im that stupid?

second of all. you shouldn't believe everything that is on the internet ;)

nobody believes me

Im sorry I can't be perfect. Im tired of trying to make everyone happy. Im serious wtf.  everyone else is so goddamn selfish. now its my turn. I had a great night with someone who actually cares. Id rather be with someone who cares than keep wasting my fucking time.

night time

what the heck? I dont talkto someone for months and now he wants to stop by in an hour? wtf.. now he calling

ermgrhd

I hate when ppl say they are going to take me somewhere then they never do. yes I want to spend everyday in your room fun times.. not.

heart

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.


To rid ourselves of our shadows - who we are - we must step into either total light or total darkness

I am on the brink now. I must choose which patch I am going to take.  

pissedk

fuck shit sut fuck fuck fuck FUCK SHIT DAMNHIT FUUUCKKK FUCk DAMN FUCkING SHIT FUcxK MY LIFE!


can you tell im pissed?
oh no?
well fuck off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sleep

I love how I have to work till 2-4 am and my family decides to be loud and wake me up every morning at like 6 am wtf... do you see me waking them up? nooo... people are so rude.

=)

soo excited to start this new chapter in my life! its going to be so much fun. now to go get some new pumas ;)

iwanna go home

I wish you knew how much I like you, how much I love talking to you and how much I wish you were mine.I wonder what goes through your mind when someone mentions my name to you.When a girl is acting like she doesn't care about you anymore, that's when she needs you the most.

 Everyone tells you that you deserve better but no one is willing to give it to you.

glory hole

so im a great PI. I almost forgot that. and all these assholes can kiss my ass. you actually think you can lie to me and i wont find out? oh that is hilarious!!!! and I dont see how you can live with yourself. seriously.you blame everyone else for YOUR problems. get a life. when something bad happens in a relationship you always blame the other person and never yourself or together. its always 100% the other persons fault.  NEWSFLASH!! relationships take two people you fuckking dick.

everybody loves me im so fly.

haha this is so fucking cool. <3 p="">you know what i love most about this... um everything??  yes thats it! eureka Its everything!!
you know someone is right for you when they make you smile not cry! 
no way!         it was always the other way around. it just happens so much you begin to get use to it. well I could get use to this.  this is so great. lmao..

am i glowing?

All I want is to be able to spend a lifetime with someone. Is that too much to ask for?

eooohhwhoo

Im moving on up!!  got my whole life ahead of me. this is going to be great. florida here I come

=)

It was all just a misunderstanding. all is well in the realm of love again. I suppose its better off to be with someone who isn't going to leave me hanging...

stupid love song.

There are so many things I wish I could say.........

bs.

Im so done with everyone. all you assholes. yes, you.

the ___ of death

he took my breath away. there was no way that dude was going to play my muse when i had a perfectly hot guy to get the job done.  the only way to work through this is to ignore it.
before I even knew him, I memorized the color of his eyes.  there are more people on earth.

stranded

I just remembered how much shit you put me through. yeah I hate you.

im making myself smarter.

well waited around. just had flings and let them go. didn't want to hold a steady relationship. and for what?
well Its too late for you.
I found someone.
I cant wait to get the hell out of here and spend time at the beach.
so you can rot in hell.

=S

life sucks then you die. why cant it be that easy. im sick and tired and dont know where to go. screw up everything.

country sucks

no matter how hard I try to like country. I just cant. and that's why I cant date people who like country. I just cant stand it. It makes me want to rip my ears off. and Im tired of people trying to set me up with people who like country when they know I do not like it!! theres only so much I cant take of it. and it just makes me mad lol. It just is not good. haha. I can take it in small doses but listening to it for hours on end, and then having to imagine listening to it every day just makes me want to kill myself lmao. there is no freakin way im sorry.

stupid

have people not heard of birth control? seriously.. how is it cool to be in your 20's and have 4 kids? wtf is up with people.

that is all.

hawks

idk I fall for people too quickly

its what?

idk what I want =/
who?

u know it

its true its true.. i dont love you, i love someone else and it's not you. yeah yeah yeah bored  i watched you fall from my sight. you wanted out. if you wanted in, you would have tried. so its too late.

omg im so excited =000000 =)))) tomorrow is only a day away.

hmm

glad school is over.  now i have  more time to things i wanna do

idk

men are confusing.. one minute you think they like you then the next you have no idea.
HAHA ;)

=)

this summer I am going to see the ocean. cant wait.

forever?

set up my appointment for another tattoo today. I cant wait to have another piece.  I don't regret having a tattoo and will not regret this one. I make sure that it is what I want.


everyone says forever is a long time. but forever is not long enough. and when I say something will last forever I will always feel that way.

this is what i come home to

they are trying to take my baby away from me.. it aint gunna happen

tired.

I wish you knew how I see you.

=(

yeahh.. =(
its never ending

stop.

I went online shopping at victorias secret and got my swimsuit for this summer. It is so cute I love it & of course its cheetah print. I also got the green sox tank top for st. patty's day. <3 a="" all="" also="" amp="" and="" bag="" be="" beach="" bought="" br="" but="" came="" cases="" cute.i="" cute="" get="" got="" gunna="" her="" him.="" i="" im="" in="" it="" know="" love="" much.="" nbsp="" new="" not="" of="" on="" online="" phone="" picture...="" pink="" put="" rico="" self="" sexy="" shirt:="" shopping="" so="" some="" spent="" store="" tanner="" that="" the="" then="" too..so="" too="" wayyyy="" went="" will="" with.="" you="">

.

I think with all the stress Ive been going through lately has made my shopaholic tendencies go up. I'm not kidding either. I seriously have an addiction, and I don't know how to stop. I just spent $300 in a day. It just so easy. But now I really have to stop. I keep buying stuff each week and telling myself no more!!.. then I do the same thing the next week, like a never ending cycle.

So I guess I need to unsubscribe to all my online shopping newsletters. Because, every time I see something on sale, I have to look. which usually leads to me buying something.
I dont know what to do.
put post it notes everywhere saying "DON'T SHOP!!"  ??? lol 

sleep

im doing 19 hr days going on 5 hours of seep. sucks.

school

so I am going to school for criminal justice. There are so many things I want to do and try. I wanted to do forensics or detective work. But now, that I'm taking more and more classes, I'm really liking the law aspect of it all. I think I might become a paralegal and if I like that, then go on to be a lawyer. It something that I always wanted to do, but never thought I could. I just don't know if I want to go to school that much longer. But my teacher said it is worth it in the end. so we will see =)


If you don't know what a Paralegal is:
"A paralegal is a paraprofessional who assists qualified lawyers in their legal work. In a few jurisdictions, such as Ontario, Canada, paralegals are licensed and the profession is regulated, giving paralegals an independent status in the jurisdiction.
The definition of "paralegal" varies by country. In the United States, they are not authorized by the government or other agency to offer legal services in the same way, nor are they officers of the court, nor are they usually subject to government-/court-sanctioned rules of conduct. In contrast, in Ontario, Canada, paralegals are licensed and regulated the same way that lawyers are. In Ontario a paralegal license allows for the paralegal to provide permitted legal services to the public and appear before certain lower level courts and administrative tribunals.
In the United States, paralegals originated as assistants to lawyers at a time when only lawyers offered legal services. In those jurisdictions, such as the United States, where the local legal profession/judiciary is involved in paralegal recognition/accreditation, the profession of paralegal still basically refers to those people working under the direct supervision of a lawyer. The profession of paralegal varies greatly between the states, due to the fact that some states do require paralegals to be licensed. In other jurisdictions however, such as the United Kingdom, the lack of local legal profession/judiciary oversight means that the definition of paralegal encompasses non-lawyers doing legal work, regardless of whom they do it for. Although most jurisdictions recognize paralegals to a greater or lesser extent, there is no international consistency as to definition, job-role, status, terms and conditions of employment, training, regulation or anything else and so each jurisdiction must be looked at individually."

idk what to do

im seriously too young to be having these heart complications.
i was allready diagnosed with some kind of heart problem.
today in in one of my classes i got really bad chest pains, dizzy, felt like all the blood was rushing to my head and nausea, head ache.
Im like greeeaaaattt.....
somehow i made it home.
typically i normally have high blood pressure, yes i know its bad..
but I just took my bp and its dangerously low...
I just give up.
I probably should go to a doctor. but what can they really do?
perscribe me with blood pressure meds? what if my bp drops like it did today? idk. I cant breathe. I should have changed my lifestyle a long time ago. I guess this is all just my fault. lol.

fustration.

first of all, today was hilarious because I got hit on by a lesbian. lmao. yeah... not going to go into that but it was funny.

I just dont know how much more I can take of dumb people asking dumb questions and being rude. sometimes I just want to say something. but I don't, I just keep my mouth shut. but after the 90th time of saying the same things over and over it really gets annoying god dammit. on the outside I am calm as a cucumber but in the inside im screaming at them. you don't want to pay $.3 fucking pennies!!! jsut because you got $200 dollars of groceries for free bc of a link card  then you fucking complain that you have to pay 3 pennies because you used coupons. People like you are a fucking waste to society.and then they wonder why the fuck we are trillions in debt. or this other person didn't have enough on their link to cover their payment, so they had to pay a couple dollars and threw up a big hissy fit. "oh I guess, Ill just have to pay for it?!"    um yeah, or you know you could go without your doughnuts for a week!! lmao I wish I could tell people where to put it.  or the people who buy oberweise milk on the link and then dumped all the milk in the parking lot and then took the glass bottles back to get the money.

I could go on and on......

falling for u

Communication is the key, and so patience, trust and loyalty. To make a long distance relationship work.


 thats all that matters.
yes.


but..
is it better to have something good for you even though it wasnt exactly what you wanted?

its complicated..

So first and foremost. I have a complication. I bought all these cute skirts and outfits to go with my heals. I wore heals on my first day at school. But what I didn't realize was that I had to go all the way across the campus then up 4 flights of stairs. Yeah, in heals that was no so fun. So now Im like ugh!!!  what a waste. Im either going to have to give up on the skirts or find shoes that are easy to walk in. maybe some wedges..

But anyway everything is going my way. I haven't been in so much peace and happiness in so long. It just all feels like a dream. Its so funny when you find someone who is the exact opposite of what you had before. So this is what is like?! Someone who actually calls and wants to go out, genuinely interested.  wow, it just feels too good to be true.

Im debating on buying a closet thing from Ikea. Because having one pole to hang clothes on with no dressers is really getting annoying. I seriously need help in that aspect. maybe I should move an old dresser back up to my room. I really don't know.

work and school is going great.