=) smile

today was so interesting.  people were having drama at work the minute I walked in.
I have been talking to this guy. and I didn't know exactly how I felt about him. But today hanging out seeing him made me have an immediate smile. had fun.  I guess it does find you one way or another. I just always thought I liked older guys. I mean I still do... but I guess sometimes its not always what you expect.
So Im going to keep optimistic and hope for the best.  and see where this goes... =)

I give up

The more I try to get anything to work, the more it doesn't. So on that thought I say fuck everyone and I give up. I'm just pissed because my phone isn't working and it did this 20 days ago. I thought It was fixed but it looks like I'm going to have to take it to Apple soon. I have to close tonight thought. So I have to make an appt. and I don't know when to make it for. I knew it was too good to be true. That is the story of my life!!! Every time I think something is too good to be true, it comes back and hits me in the face per say.  ugh I just give up!! I cant get a hold of someone to find out where they are because I'm using their phone till I get mine fixed !!  and I need to see when I can make my appt. because I don't want to be driving without my phone all the way out to the apple store.  maybe it was a bad idea to even get it in the first place. Nothing ever works out for me so I don't see why I just keep trying....

little buttons

I'm just saying I'm so sick of all these stupid all mofo's. okay seriously I am not going to be your friend or what you want because your all morons! I may have been immature in my life, but that was the old me. That does not mean I want to deal with your drama ok? or your stupid posts.
However, I am happy because I'm going on vacation again. except this one will be different in major ways... =)  now its just time to save up.
I'm seriously debating on going out of the country for college at least for a semester. well I was.. I hate when you find someone and you don't want to go far away from them. But I guess if they really like you then they would be waiting when you come back.  I know I would have.
I think were going to get stuff done today, being lazy around the house. Then might go out for a drink or something later. fun times..

=)

I may have wanted you yesterday. But you dont want to see me again. and what am I supposed to do not meet some rich guy that wants to marry me. yep.  im happy.. =)  you cant control love

the truth.

Its thanksgiving. what am i to be thankful for? for finally knowing the truth. The reason why I have problems trusting men. my dad. you may all be thinking, oh don't blame your dad for your trust issues. and truthfully, to this day I never have. I never thought I had a real reason. I thought I just had trust issues, for a different reason. But know I know the truth. while drinking with my moms side of the family today, many issues and things that have been hidden have come out. And honestly, I am so mad and appalled that any of this has ever happened. you know, I knew my dad was never a really nice guy and he always had a temper. I know my dads side of the family always treats my cousins better than me and my sisters. but this is not about that. I can live with that. But this.. is just making me so mad. I just want to get a lawyer or something. You may be thinking, oh her dad probably cheated on her mom. NO, this is worse. Much worse.
So here goes it..... please listen to my story. this is all true.
So I found out that when my parents were first together. My dad use to really beat my mom. like seriously beat her. not like just a slap across the face either. my aunts told me many stories. one was when my mom went to lunch with her mom, my mom came home and my dad grabbed my mom by her hair and smashed her face into a metal bar. my mom wasn't allowed to see her family. till this day he still gets mad if she does, but know he just yells or throws stuff on the ground, so i never thought he did anything like that, and my mom never said anything about it.They also said when my mom left the apartment or house they were living in to go live with her mom, my grandparents(dads parents) sent out an arrest warrant for my mom when she went to go get my baby clothes. They also tried to take me away from my mom. My uncle( mom's grandma's brother) had to get a lawyer for my mom to defend herself. so when my mom went back to get my baby clothes with her sister, my dad jumped on the car and was trying to break the window, putting dents in the car. My grandma said my mom was always black and blue from him. He would always be putting dents in the wall and everything.  my grandparents on my dads side were trying to bribe my mom to stay with my dad. I want to know what else happened. thats all they would tell me.
I always hated my dad, but I never knew why really. I mean he was always mean, but I didn't know he was that mean. I wish I had never saved his life. I wish I just left him there to die.
I think this is all my fault. If i hadent been born my mom wouldn't have had to go through all that she could have just left him and been happy.

what is there for me to do?

a little of this.. and alot of that.

where do I begin. where will my story start.
well first off, I have no where to hide. I have to face what Ive done and do my time.  Mumford and Sons reference there. anyway, I know how stupid and crazy I have acted in the past. I do not know why. I don't know why I pushed those I love away from me. I don't know why I started crap. maybe It was for reasons unknown. Ive had a million dollars but Ive spent them all.   Ok first of all, Ive been drinking wine everyday. at least a glass everyday. I like it. this one guy at work is such a creeper. hes always in my space bubble and I cant tell when he is staring at me when he is behind me. hate it. Ive been talking to some ppl. this one guy is really nice. every time we hang out its so much fun. drama free. actually likes me for me. and does fun stuff. so yes you. this is your last chance and im serious. you better figure out what you want, because im done with your games. if you wait too much longer it will be too late. maybe it already is...
I just know whats true. It was true once and it can be again.  if someone is in your head then maybe they are supposed to be there.

holiday

so quick funny update. Im watching 12 dates of christmas. The girl was sitting with her dog saying how shes going to be alone forever. Im with my dog  lol its me. ugh.  I seriously thing my right guy got hit by a bus. Im so tired of the wrong ones. it sucks. my relative is getting married next month to a guy she just met a couple months ago. I dont get it.

lol

what a fantastic day...
got to see mr. mc hotty-hot hot lolz
then the other guy im talking to was there ahha awkward. good thing the guy i was kind of seeing  left. haha. cant believe i liked him. lol.   its just too hard to choose.

think im going shopping. lunch date yesterday. date tonight see how that goes. bahaha.
but it just sucks.. liking someone who doesn't know you exist or knows you exist but doesn't like you for the same reason you like them. =(  oh well that's done and over with.

...

Really not liking how I have to get up early next semester for school. Is there any way to become a morning person? lol  this is going to suck

=(

Heartbeats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this
One step closer
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/c/christina+perri/a+thousand+years_20986324.html ]
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you

Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more

the good and the bad.

 School is great. getting A's. work is great. I guess Im the only one who gets my drawer right on the penny so that's good. Guy bought me a candy bar yesterday that was pretty funny. I really just don't know who to choose from. lol.
 I hope you grow up and realize what you have done. ha like thats ever going to happen...
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

piano music

I have always tried to make everyone else happy.  Especially ones who have walked out on me. Its just funny that even though people have done bad things to me I still wanted to make them happy.  It was a huge mistake. That person is a total jerk.  The only person that deserves happiness is the one who makes me happy. Its funny how happy you thought you were with someone, and for what? what did they ever do to make you happy? I really cant think of anything. It is all negative.  I deserve someone who I can sing stupid Christmas songs with (LOL). I use to be angry all the time, because of people who have hurt me. If someone hurts you in any way then they do not deserve to have you. Its nice to have someone who is there for you no matter what. They do not want you to change in anyway shape or form. Its also funny how they spend all that time trying to say that they are not like the rest and that's exactly what they are. No, they are worse then the rest. At least most are up front with thats all they want you for. But to hide it and lie about it just makes it horrible. But now I can honestly say that I have found someone who is better than all of that.  I dont need people bringing me down, I dont need people talking shit about me to their friends. Nobody deserves that.  I dont know Im finally free of my burdens. I am strong, I have the confidence to take on anything. And perhaps in the next year or so  the world? possible starting at cork college. sounds good to me... the possibilities are endless..

dream interpretation of dreams last night

To dream that you are at somebody else's funeral signifies that you are burying an old relationship and closing the lid on the past. You may be letting go some of the feelings (resentment, anger, hostility toward someone) that you have been clinging onto. If your are dreaming that you are at a funeral of an unknown person, then it suggests that something in your life needs to put to rest or put aside so that you can make room for something new. You need to investigate further what aspect or component of your life you need to let go.
  
To see the outside of the church in your dream signifies sacredness and spiritual nourishment. It is representative of your value system and the things you hold sacred.

To dream that you are inside a church suggests that you are seeking for spiritual enlightenment and guidance. You are looking to be uplifted in some way. Perhaps you have made some past mistakes which have set you back on your path toward your goals. With proper support, you will get on the right track again. Alternatively, the dream may also mean that you are questioning and debating your life path and where it is leading. You are reevaluating what you want to do.

To see a man in your dream denotes the aspect of yourself that is assertive, rational, aggressive, and/or competitive. Perhaps you need to incorporate these aspects into your own character. If the man is known to you, then the dream may reflect you feelings and concerns you have about him.

If you are a woman and dream that you are in the arms of a man, then it suggests that you are accepting and welcoming your stronger assertive personality. It may also highlight your desires to be in a relationship and your image of the ideal man.

 To dream that you are traveling represents the path toward your life goals. It also parallels your daily routine and how you are progressing along. Alternatively, traveling signifies a desire to escape from your daily burdens. You are looking for a change in scenery, where no one has any expectations of you. Perhaps it is time to make a fresh start. If your travels come to an end, then it symbolizes successful completion of your goals.

 To dream that you are riding a bus implies that you are going along with the crowd. You are lacking originality and control over where your life is taking.

 To save a child in your dream signifies your attempts to save a part of yourself from being destroyed. If you dream that you are separated from your children, then it symbolizes failure in some personal endeavor or a setback in some ideal you had.

 To dream that you are combing or styling your hair suggests that you are taking on and evaluating a new idea, concept, outlook, or way of thinking. You may be putting your thoughts in order and getting your facts straight. A more literal interpretation suggests your concerns about your self-image and appearance.  

To dream that you are helping someone indicates your willingness to compromise your beliefs toward a greater accomplishment. It also represents your efforts to combine your talents or energies to achieve a mutual goal.

:)

It's nice to find someone who respects me. It's like a breath of fresh air :)

IDIOTS!!!!!!!

why vote for someone who has done nothing to help this country??!!   He has done nothing but put us farther and farther in debt!!!!!   im so sick of these dumb ass mother fuckers!!!!!!  get a fucking clue!   we are going to be in debt for the rest of time.. this is ridiculous!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the economy is going to tank. we are going to go into a depression. I bet the first thing he does is pass radical stuff just to say he did something.

><   

8)

I cant wait till this weekend to see him again!!!!!!!  =p

and if the creepy guy gets in my personal bubble one more time im gunna flip the F out! seriously back off

smile

so I talked to who I will call Mr. mc-hotty-hot-hot. today!   just makes me happy.  thats all im gunna say...... =)