im going surfing.

one day I will go surfing and from then on I will never stop. I'm going to wake up at the crack of dawn and run towards that ocean.  It will be great.
not to change the subject but ...
any guy who breaks up with a girl who thought she was prego is a freaking jerk.  Im just tired of jerks. But you know what is funny, when your the one who uses a guy and see his face haha they sure dont like it. Im just tired of meaningless relationships(ill call them that). oh man this is messing up now. yeah I have a problem of messing things up. oh but yeah im just tired of playing the field. Its not fun. its not for me.  Im just glad im finding who I am.  I have alot to look forward too. surgery next week and idk what to do if something goes wrong.  Im so sick of desperate people. 
The man I love likes chow mein. =)

Fear of Losing Control

You feel overwhelmed by the prospect of change, and worry that if you follow your heart, you will risk everything—your financial security, your future, even your relationships. When faced with a decision, "catastrophizers," as psychologists call them, tend to jump to the worst-case outcome. For example, when you think about changing jobs, you quickly come to a vision of yourself living on the street after failing miserably. Karen Reivich, PhD, codirector of the University of Pennsylvania's Resiliency Program, has a useful technique for easing that anxiety. When you feel your negative thoughts spiraling out of control, try forcing them in the opposite direction by imagining an equally improbable best-case scenario. For example, you are so amazing at your new job that you get promoted five times in the first year and appear on the cover of Forbes. This positive picture broadens your outlook, and makes it easier for you to envision a realistic scenario between the two extremes. You will likely struggle a bit as you transition into the new job, but you will gradually become more successful—and feel much happier and more satisfied.